Meeting My Mat Again — 3 Steps To Finally Succeeding With Exercise
I have a strange relationship with yoga. Actually my relationship with exercise is equally mystifying too.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve been in witness protection, hiding away from it.
I can best be described as a dabbler. Maybe it’s the ADD in me, maybe I’ve never found anything that’s really just stuck.
As I said, exercise and I parted ways for a while. Call it an unconscious uncoupling. In my 20s and 30s I went to the gym, I did a few yoga classes and friends would ask me to join them at pilates. Hell, I’d even ride my bike. I went back to karate for a year trying to rekindle the beautiful relationship I’d once had with martial arts as a teenager. I took up running and did a few 5km races — I even managed a half-marathon once. Yet I didn’t go back to running after that as it felt torturous and I wasn’t properly prepared.
I even married a personal trainer (FFS!?!?!!) and he tried his best to get me to work out. But alas, I still dabbled. And we divorced.
As you’ve probably gathered by now, I’ve never really done exercise for a sustainable amount of time. Certainly nothing I could pin the word habit on.
In my late 30’s I discovered tantalising trance parties and realised I absolutely loved dancing! Who knew! I could go for hours on the dancefloor, wracking up steps, lose myself in the beats, feel my endorphins spin under the guidance of divine DJ’s.
But then kids happened. And my metabolism went on strike.
I’d had my son in my mid 30’s then eight years passed and then 2 daughters in the space of 18 months. My body was wrecked and I realised how weak my pelvic floor was. Going back to running was out of the question. Sneezing too. Three hernia ops later, a very weak core and more and more weight piled on. And did I tell you about my complete addiction to sugar?
So I really haven’t been that kind to my body in the past 10 years. I also realised that somewhere along this journey, I had actually disconnected from it. It’s like I inhabited only my head which seemed to rest upon this foreign flesh structure below.
It’s like I inhabited only my head which seemed to rest upon this foreign flesh structure below.
I certainly didn’t treasure it, pay it homage or speak kindly to it. And here it was housing all my organs, my blood and my brain, my muscles and the structure of my bones that allowed me freedom to move. It birthed 3 healthy babies too and I hadn’t even bothered to say thank you.
I think that when we let life become too busy and we can’t put the brakes on and say no, the first casualty is our body and then our mind. I think for me it’s been easier to take a tablet or some caffeine for anything mind related, as I have done for my past post natal depression, but getting up to move my body? What a strange concept.
Somehow that switch hasn’t flicked on for me. I hadn’t even made the connection between lifting my depression when moving my body. Somehow the entire idea seemed alien to me. And yet, I’ve read about it, just never made the connection between the endorphins I’ve felt flooding my system after a hike or walk and the truth of the matter.
During lockdown, and especially when our freedom of movement was prohibited, I made more of an effort to get out and exercise. But since that’s been lifted and we have the freedom to move again, run outside and even go back to the gym, I’ve rather (bewilderingly) stayed inside, feeling that even putting on exercise clothes has been too much of a leap to make.
A few weeks ago I had a serious revelation. A friend of mine said she didn’t see exercise as selfcare. Her idea (like mine up until then) was that facials, painting nails, bubble baths and pedicures were all forms of self care, and that only happened, let’s face it, when her or I could be bothered.
Exercise, up until then, had never even entered my mind as a form of self care. I know, where have I been all this time?
Exercise, up until then, had never even entered my mind as a form of self care. I know, where have I been all this time?
Living and working at home with 2 small children, homeschooling a tweenager and being in lockdown has demanded so much more from me that I could handle. To take even 5 minutes to just have a cup of coffee and a meditation was a stretch of the imagination.
Lockdown has also meant that I no longer have to try look my best, put makeup on or even dye my hair. All forms of basic self care have fallen away. And what you lack in terms of general upkeep and looks, Zoom now has a filter that makes you look presentable — hell, even young!
Recently though, the idea of actually loving myself has started to become something that I am finally embracing. Not just because it’s necessary to keep my sanity and relationships in my life intact — how can you love anyone if you can’t love yourself springs to mind. But because I am running a business that is all about self love and discovering the goddess within. How can the founder not espouse the values of the brand?
Which brings me to yoga and meeting my mat again.
How did I get back to my mat? Well through a chance meeting of a wonderful Ayurveda practitioner and yoga teacher who offered that I join her every week via Zoom for a session.
You know that saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”? Well I have finally met someone who inspires me to want to do yoga and who makes me understand yoga. I never thought I would look forward to it as much.
It’s early days but I’ve discovered so much about myself in the past month back on my yoga mat. I feel I am slowly reconnecting with my body, feeling the exquisite stretches down my spine, the burn of poses and the wonderful spaces in my body being filled with breath again. It’s all starting to make sense to me. Logically. Like my mind is actually getting a workout too and playing along and not sabotaging this new endeavour. Funny that!
So here are my 3 steps I’ve found make a difference to adapting to an exercise regime that will benefit you:
- The secret, I believe, is to find the right exercise that you can fall in love with. But, in my case, that also stimulates your mind. I know I have never been a gym bunny and yet I have paid thousands and thousands on gym memberships. But I need to forgive myself for that. It’s all part of my journey towards self-compassion.
- The other thing is to find a teacher who you can actually learn from. I’m learning proper poses and stances and part of a small, intimate studio. For the first time in my life I’m actually inspired enough to think about becoming a yoga teacher and studying Ayurveda further. It’s that interesting! If this was 10 years ago, I was nowhere near this level of growth or even interest.
- The third thing I’ve realised is consistency is key. It’s actually the solution to everything in life if you want to be successful. This has been what’s been missing from my life of exercise until now.
If there is no consistency, there is no habit. If there is no habit, you don’t spend the time creating the results. And if there are no results, you give up and feel even more terrible about yourself. It’s a vicious cycle.
So my goal for the next month is to do 8 yoga classes (2 a week) and mark them off on a habit tracker. I will also check how flexible I feel and compare myself then to myself now. What I’m also finding is that it spurs me on to want to eat more healthily. Why waste the benefit of the session and stuff my face with sugar and rubbish afterwards? So I’m noticing my attitude to food is changing too. This, I know, is a natural byproduct of exercise, but for me, I’m holding on to any revelation I can.
I am also taking more time out during my day to simply breathe and give thanks for my body and my circumstances. I need this beautiful body of mine to take me through to my third age and I need it to be strong and healthy. I don’t need to look like anyone on Instagram, I just need to unlock what’s currently inside me and become the best version of me.
And that, for me, is more than enough. And for the first time in my life I can say that’s progress.
